THE PSYCHOLOGIST
COACH
The Psychologist Coach is a skilled practitioner, with training in the interdisciplinary CL model, whose role
it is to facilitate effective communication and interactions working with families and is knowledgeable
about the specific dynamics and issues related to divorce. In this role, coaches are not acting as therapists,
but are using their training and skills to help the client or clients work through their emotions about the ending of the
marriage and focus on identifying long term legitimate needs and
interests for themselves, for each other and for the other family members. Coaches help the clients prepare
to participate meaningfully in the collaborative process.
In the “Collaborative Divorce”
model, there is a neutral coach who works iwith the parties together. The coaching goal
is to prepare and help the parties to work effectively with each other in the collaborative process. If
children are involved, the coaching also focuses on helping the clients develop a more effective long term parenting relationship.
A coach is not and
cannot be the individual therapist for either client, even after the settlement agreement is signed.
There may be a need in the future for modifications to the agreement or help with the clients’ ongoing relationships
with each other or with the children.
The Coach as a Member of the Collaborative Team:
The coach helps the client (individually) and/or the clients (together) identify
and discuss feelings and issues about the separation/divorce, think through emotionally-charged issues, and manage anger and
distress. The coach teaches communication skills for the clients to use in the divorce negotiations and
in their ongoing relationship – as parents or otherwise. The coach provides parenting education so
that the impact of divorce on the children is minimized.
The coach works with the two attorneys so that they understand how best to approach and
respond to each client, to identify sensitive and “hot button” issues, and to be available to help if emotional
crises arise that interfere with reaching a comprehensive settlement. Referring clients to a coach or coaches
to deal with the relationship and emotional issues is a prudent and cost-effective use of resources. Clients
often have emotional issues to address before they can sit together and plan a restructuring of their family, assets and finances.
Adding coaching for
separating/divorcing spouses gives the clients the professionals best suited to addressing specific needs. Mental
health professionals and attorneys each have specialized abilities for supporting and encouraging a truly lasting agreement
between the clients to meet the legitimate needs and interests of their restructured family, long term.
CHILD SPECIALIST:
A Child Specialist is a mental health professional
who has specialized in working with children and has experience working with parents. The Child Specialist
serves on the Collaborative Family Law team as an independent representative of the child/children's needs and interests
in the separation/divorce process of the parents.
The Child Specialist will interview each parent alone to have understanding of each parent's view of each
child, interviews each child, and is available to conduct interviews with the child and each parent. The
Child Specialist identifies for the parents how the child is coping, what the child needs, and what issues concern the child.
The Child Specialist’s is able to offer the parents and children a neutral place to address parenting and child concerns, understand and
explain child development issues and address each child's relationship to each of the other family members.
He/She can help the parents understand particular strengths/resilience of the child, understand and help communicate
the child's current reactions to the family changes, and help the parents understand any special vulnerabilities of the
child.
A child benefits by having a third party listen to him/her, allowing the child to tell the
story about what's happening in the family and by being given an opportunity to ask questions and receiving clarification
about the changes in the family. They are supported and are given a sense that they have a voice in the
process of their parents’ divorce.
The parents benefit by learning
from a specialist and having the opportunity to consider the special needs and concerns of each of their children, hearing
about their child's point of view, and receiving help in understanding the specific worries and concerns of each of their
children. The parents participate in guided discussions about the anticipated challenges and difficulties
inherent in co-parenting/parallel-parenting and have professional help in identifying and appreciating their common interests
as parents. The also may receive specific recommendations for their parenting plan, including living arrangements
of the children.
- To help the group increase its effectiveness by improving PROCESS.
The facilitator intervenes in process only, NEVER content.
- Attends to the interpersonal dynamics (interpersonal dynamics are often the toughest part of the conflict/what seems
to be creating the “impasse”)
- Focus on all participants’ interactions and communication
- Provide
process debrief to foster learning
